Failure

I used to be too ambitious a few years backward. I used to have a very huge desire to be the best in every single moment of my life. No, I had never wanted to be the best student but I wanted to be the best in something I wanted to. I would do everything in order to achieve my desire but I did not cheat. I was even willing to have extra lessons, to extend my studying hours, and to do every given papers. I had ever studied until 4a.m. I knew it was bad for my health but I needed it.

Failure, a word that I was afraid of. I used to be so pessimistic and I was really scared failing. I was afraid all of the efforts I had put to achieve my desire would end up as a failure. I sought lots of encouraging words from people around me but still the negative thoughts could not get rid off my mind.

Once I faced a very big failure and all of my fears were like finally happened, my efforts ended up as a failure. I did hate my life, my useless effort, and even my God. I hated everything. I was really messed up. Why did I have to face this? I could not stop wondering why. I cried all night long because I really lost in anger, guilty, and sadness. Tears could not stop tearing down on my cheeks. My life was so miserable. My closest people tried to cheer me up but I ignored them because my sadness was too deep.

I tried to get up from my past failure. I hung on a quote that life went on no matter what. I tried to be strong but I could not get rid off my failure. I kept thinking of it but I used to hide it by smiling. None knew the real feeling of mine when I still lost in mixed feeling although the failure had happened in few weeks ago.

Days, weeks, and months had finally passed. I did better and I could forget the failure although some times I remembered it. I also realised that my effort would never end up as a failure but it would be a new beginning of another great moment in life to be more successful. I was also really thankful to my God that He let me face a failure. I could learn lots of things through my failure because failure is the beginning of success. I also learnt that failure was not the end of everything because it was said that you must hurt in order to know, fall in order to grow, and lose in order to gain.